I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
