Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
