His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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