oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
