Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
