After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
