yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
