Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
