I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
