i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
