Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
