Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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