I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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