i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
