and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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