Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
