ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
