we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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