fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
