I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
