Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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