Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
