If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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