A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
