ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
