my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
