We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
