grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
