I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
