I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
