Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry balogna_sammich hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

Fav 55 1797 17434
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers

Fav 24 1003 5866
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?

Fav 4 2227 5501
share tweet
(425): View more from Washington

I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.

Fav 9 1200 2771
share tweet
(316): View more from Kansas

I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.

Fav 6 1131 1528
share tweet
(514): View more from Quebec

all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something

(1-514): View more from Quebec

how did you graduate high school

Fav 5 1194 696
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(712): View more from Iowa

My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.

Fav 4 577 575
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(440): View more from Ohio

He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.

Fav 0 15 39
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml

Fav 0 24 54
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT