im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I want a musical about memes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
