3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
