i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
