woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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