from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
