A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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