I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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