New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
