You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
