I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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