I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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