She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
