Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
