I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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