If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
