Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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