Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
