You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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