just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
