omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
