I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
